Love Swing

Of course, we’re not talking cheek-pecks at family gatherings. It’s the deep, sexual kissing that’s the instant turn-on for many women. But there is something in between, something perhaps lighter than your highest-intensity tongue warfare, but it still qualifies as heavy artillery in your sexual armory. That’s the kind of kissing you do with her that’s warm, intimate, loving, and yes, sexual— but you’re not fumbling at your buckle and her buttons to move the action along.

Here again, men and women part ways in their approach to kissing. Men see it as simply a prelude to intercourse; women see it as much more. “From a guy’s point of view, it may seem strange to kiss just for the sake of kissing,” Cane says. “But that’s what women say they like.”

Despite conducting countless surveys and interviews to come up with his compendium of osculation preferences, Cane came across very few guys who put kissing, in and of itself, high on their list of sexual pleasures. But that doesn’t mean men aren’t capable of enjoying smooch sessions for their own sake. “I definitely think men can enjoy kissing if they let themselves,” Cane says.

Kissing = Sex

Kissing is a “barometer to measure the degree of intimacy and passion between a couple.” To keep the barometer readings the way you want them, their advice is straightforward and to the point: “Kiss daily. Kiss softly and tenderly. Kiss passionately and warmly. Kiss when you feel sad. Kiss when you feel happy.”

“To get what you want, you have to understand what she wants,” Cane says. “Women want kisses. Make the effort, and you’ll get your payoff.” We know you know how to kiss, but next time you start up a necking session with your honey, keep these pointers in the back of your mind.

Keep it up. Going through the motions just to get in enough required kissing time won’t cut it with her. She can tell. Get into the spirit of the thing. Kiss her until you’re sure that she has been thoroughly kissed. Then kiss her some more. “Remember, women like more kissing than men do,” Cane says.

“Once you’ve had enough doesn’t necessarily mean that she has.”

Watch your hands. It’s almost an automatic reflex. Your lips go to her lips, your hand goes to her breast. Or her buttocks. Or somewhere very personal. That’s fine at the right moment, but not every moment is the right moment. “Women often say that guys sexualize kissing too often,” Cane says. “They like sex, too, but not every time they’re kissed.”

And if you’re innocent? If you’re putting your hands there because it feels good, not because you want intercourse right this minute? Doesn’t matter. She‘ll usually interpret it as coercion anyway. So, Cane suggests, “stop your hands from wandering in such a way that makes her feel that she’s being led into sex. Just keep it nice and romantic sometimes.”

Find out what she likes. Kissing is supposed to be pleasure, so it should be pleasing to both of you. Each woman (and man) is unique, so pay attention to her physical and verbal messages to slow down, do more of that, or cut it out. This includes finding out how she wants to be kissed, and letting her know your own likes and dislikes.

Get around this by talking about your kissing preferences in a casual way when you’re not kissing, suggests Cane. That way neither of you will feel you’re being criticized for what you were just doing. And when you do bring it up, turn it into a fun thing. “Make it almost a game,” he says.

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