Love Swing

One of the quickest ways to broaden your sexual horizons is simply by varying an old theme. Kissing, for instance. To help you get started, here are some offbeat kisses that have already been created for you.

The hummer. Add a little vibration to your osculation by humming as you press her lips. Talk about a buzz. You can work your way up from a monotone hum through a melody you both like and on to Beethoven’s Ninth. And by the way, the humming is even more titillating when the venue is moved further south on the body map.

The vacuum. It’s the Coneheads’ favorite. Tone it down a bit, though, and you have yourself a slightly silly but very sexy kissing riff. What you do is (gently, nicely, slowly) suck some of the air out of your lover’s mouth as you kiss. Don’t laugh until you’ve tried it.

The upside-downer. Nothing like a new angle to change your view of what a kiss should be. You can do it by leaning over her from behind while she’s sitting and you’re standing. Or lie on a bed with her feet facing east and yours west. The point is that top lips are touching bottom lips.

The shocker. This one was big in the 1930s and 1940s. Rub your feet back and forth on a rug to build up a static charge before you move in for the smacker. It’s a great way to put the spark back in your kissing. For the record, rug-rubbing is the safe way to do it. We won’t even mention what those prewar teenagers did with battery cable clips and wall sockets.

The sweet thing. You may even have tried this one in your teens. All you do is pass a piece of candy back and forth as you smooch. Why should it just be kid stuff? It never hurts a relationship to be more sharing. Mints and hard candy drops work best.

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Sensual Sampling of Kiss Types