Mid-Age Sex Drives

September 28th, 2009

All things considered, then, men and women should embrace their 40th birthdays in, stead of fearing them. It’s in your forties that you both become better, and more compatible, lovers. “Finally, biology isn’t driving you apart”. “In fact, you’re becoming more and more alike.”

Your testosterone levels have dropped—not much, but enough to change the nature of your sexuality to the good. You’re less aggressive, less demanding, and less orgasm-driven.

Your mate, meanwhile, has come more than halfway to meet you. She’s still eager for orgasm, but she has learned how to help herself instead of jumping all over your back about it.

Still, you’re more than able to do your part because (partly through some overall slowing, but mostly because you’re more experienced) you now generally last longer before ejaculating.

Indeed, the biggest sexual challenges of your forties aren’t physical but social. “In your forties, you’re both burdened with a lot of responsibilities, like young children, old parents, mortgages, career crises—all that stuff.”

Know your hormones. Hormones, especially your testosterone and her estrogen, are powerful forces, but so are your good judgment and common sense: “Information is power”. “Your hormones are on duty 24 hours a day. If you don’t know what’s going on, they will govern your life like tyrants.”

“My hormones made me do it” won’t cut it today. “You can influence your hormones by the choices you make and the behavior you choose to follow”. “That’s the difference between us and the lower animals.”

Face the changes together. Privately brooding about your ^-slowing down” or secretly resenting her growing assertiveness is no way to deal with changing sexual needs in a relationship. You’re in this together. “Negotiate these changes together, and your relationship will end up stronger and better”. “If you don’t work them through, they’ll zap you upside the head or on some more tender spot.”

You have an ally in all this, assuming that you’re still in love. “During any of these stages, love bridges the broadest gaps”.

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