Love Swing

We recognize that many of the available “adult” movies and videos are little more than trash. But in the last five years or so there has been a greater shift on the part of some Adult Movie producers toward romantic love stories that are also sexually explicit. These high-quality, well-written and -acted films might only have one or two of these sexually explicit scenes. It seems that these producers have come to realize that if they want to attract a female audience or to make movies that couples can feel comfortable watching together, they have to do two things: 1) Be more sensitive to the woman’s perspective and not merely cater to male fantasies, and 2) They have to produce a more artistic production of an X-rated film, one with an interesting story line, fine cinematography, and good acting. Some of these “adult” movie producers and directors have succeeded but, unfortunately, these movies usually get lost amidst the trashy stuff. The best way to find out about them is to ask the video store owners. Many of them know which ones are of high quality and not offensive to women and couples.

While many of these “adult” movies are exclusively heterosexual in orientation, some of them also show two women or two men making love. If we can judge by the number of films that are rented that show women making love to each other in a primarily heterosexually oriented movie, men seem to get turned on by watching women making love to each other. On the other hand, there are few heterosexual movies available in video stores that show men engaged in sex with each other. Only rarely do women report being turned on by watching men engaged in homosexual acts in these adult videos.

Another interesting observation made by sex researchers is that both men and women, who have no inclination for any sexual contact with people of their own sex, may get turned on by watching two people of their own sex, engage in a homosexual act on the screen. For them, as long as this turn-on is limited to the screen, it is a safe, “exciting” turn-on that they will not try themselves. This also may apply to a variety of taboo acts often appearing in adult videos. From our point of view, as long as watching these exotic, different, and “forbidden” acts remains as visual images only (and there is a wide range of heterosexual acts that are equally taboo), these films could be used to enhance one’s sexual excitement.

It seems reasonable that adults may watch these movies in the privacy of their own homes, and the law protects our right to do so. Now, if there are some scenes or movies that are distasteful, don’t watch them. If a particular movie is not arousing, push fast forward and try another video some other time.

Remember, if you do find a scene especially erotic, go back and look at the scene over and over again until you have a vivid picture etched into your brain. By doing this, especially if you do this by yourself, you are educating your mind into a more sexual orientation and that should help you in your physical arousal. Later on, when you are with your partner, you may recall a particular scene for foreplay arousal. But for now just watch these movies and scenes by yourself in order to make your mind more erotically receptive through vicarious imagery.

When you watch these erotic movies by yourself, to enhance your erotic capabilities, create a romantic and receptive mood—for you—before you turn on DVD player. Approach these viewing sessions as if you were beginning a meditation session: Use time periods when you know you won’t be disturbed, dim the lights, take the phone off the hook, and sit or lie down in a comfortable spot. Make sure you don’t have to interfere with the viewing by doing the laundry, or worrying that you really should be grocery shopping or something else. Make sure you don’t have the noise of a washing machine or dishwasher to distract you. You will want to create a romantic mood, even though you are alone for these sessions. You might light some incense, if that is what you like, or have some wine, light a few candles, or whatever makes you feel romantic. Because you want to create a mood that is conducive for your identification with the male or female lead in a romantic sex movie, provide yourself with the setting to get into the movie as much as possible. You want to become so receptive to the action that you bond with the feelings and actions of the actor or actress during the erotic acts shown on the screen. Your viewing cannot be completely passive or purely intellectual if it is to have the effect upon you that you need. You cannot view it as if you were viewing a sunset because that kind of activity is oriented to make you tranquil and appreciative—not erotically aroused. But now you want to be an active participant in the action of the movie, even if it is only in your mind. You cannot be stuffing popcorn into your mouth while sitting on a metal folding chair and wonder why that great sex scene isn’t doing anything for you. You have to actively view the scenes by engaging your mind and relating your body sensations to what is happening in the movie. When a scene is especially arousing, we want you to imagine that your spouse or partner is the other person in the movie involved in the sexual acts. When such a scene appears and you are really turned on by it, turn off the video and relive the scene in your mind. Picture you and your lover in this role and act it out over and over again in your fantasy. Soon enough, you will be bringing this cinematic energy into your flesh-and-blood love life.

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