Love Swing

Some expectations are simply unreasonable. Here are some of the most common ones.

Wait For June Cleaver. Often we expect that our home life will mirror the home life that we enjoyed as children—except that Mom stayed home, while your partner most likely works. So your home won’t ever look as Good Housekeeping-perfect as the home that you grew up in. Neither of you has all day to clean. And don’t expect a gourmet three-course meal waiting when you walk in the door. Most likely, she’s walking in the door at the same time. Also, she won’t always be in the mood to bring you a beer on the couch—no matter how domestic she is.

Banking on frequent sex. You can’t expect to have sex—or for her to want to have sex—five times a week in your fifties like you did in your twenties. Age does affect desire to some extent.

Assuming you speak the same language. Your definition of soon probably isn’t the same as your partner’s. To avoid conflict, verify what your partner means with vague words such as later, clean, and not too expensive.

Expecting the same expectations. Give up on this idea fast. You have only a minuscule chance that she will expect the same things from you that you expect from her.

Trying to guess correctly. You can’t assume that you know how to romance her, how to please her sexually, how to tell when she’s upset. If you really want to know, you’ll have to ask her for the answers. And you’ll get to know each other more and more fully and accurately as time goes by.

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